How to Offend Major People Groups

I don't try to be offensive or ignorant. Sometimes it just happens. A few years ago, I went to speak and sing at a local MOPS (Mothers of Pre-schoolers) group. I shared an autobiographical little number I wrote called The Vasectomy Song. Only after the meeting did it occur to me...this was a Catholic church. Most of the moms present were Catholic. Could I be more insensitive? Maybe I could offer to bring in a big pot roast for their Good Friday mass. Or tell one of my Catholic friends they have a big smudge on their forehead on Ash Wednesday. Oh, wait. I already did that.

Another time I was speaking at a moms group a couple of hours from home. I was in the process of making a plate of food (ALL moms groups worth their weight in craft supplies have a breakfast potluck), when I noticed all the meat dishes were gone. No sausage casserole, no bacon, no ham and cheese quiche. I offhandedly remarked to one of the ladies something like, "Wow, I guess the meat dishes are the first to go, huh." Later that day I was relating all the details of the morning to my husband.  "Lisa," he said in amazement, "that moms group meets right in the heart of a famous vegetarian community--you really asked them where the sausage casserole was?"

Yesterday I came to my senses about two seconds before asking the gentleman behind the Persian Market meat counter if he had pork butt. Only after noticing the Hallal certification (a strict Islamic code regarding meat processing) on the wall behind the counter did it occur to me that, in the name of propriety, I should not inquire as to the whereabouts of his pork butt, pork chops, or anything else swine-related.

I apologize for any potentially offensive remarks I've ever made in ignorance, incoherence or uncconsciousness toward any people group, endangered species, Disney channel pop star or telemarketing firm.

I suppose you could read my post "Top Ten Ways to Know If Your Daddy Is a Redneck" and be offended. But if you are one of us, you will simply stick another cold one in the koozie and watch a rerun of Walker Texas Ranger.

Party Like It's My Birfday!

Brownies and Saving the Planet