The Dog Nazi

Today I met the Dog Nazi. My 8-yr-old daughter Charli and I went to a pet adoption event with over 600 dogs, including our own precious Sugar who needs a quieter home than ours, blah, blah, blah (read my post If Carpets Could Talk). In the process of checking out the various doggies available for adoption, we met some wonderful, giving people. We also met some who LOVE dogs...and apparently HATE people. This poses a problem when it is typically PEOPLE who want to adopt DOGS! One in particular grabbed Sugar and proceeded to clip her toenails. Charli said, "I don't want you to do that." The lady, let's call her Bruno, barked (ironically), "I have to do it. Do you want her paws to hurt?! That's what happens if her nails get too long." She scared me. I wondered what would would happen to Bruno if her nails got too long? Should I grab her fingers and chop off the tips until she squirmed and squealed? For her best interest of course.

Running a close second to the Dog Nazi was another lady with some small dogs looking for homes. I asked how she thought a particular dog would do with my alpha male Max. You would have thought I'd asked to set up a dog-fighting ring with her petite pooches. "That is completely your responsibility to make sure your alpha behaves correctly with other dogs."

I thought I was a dog lover. I thought I was a reasonably good dog owner. I'm not. I'm scum. I don't deserve a dog. I don't even deserve to live. Maybe they should even take my kids.

I can't go to any more of those super adoption events. It's not good for my self esteem. I may meet another Dog Nazi, and I just don't know if my heart could take it.

New puppy--what?!!!

Went to an adoption event today to try and find a more suitable home for Sugar. If you didn't read my previous blog entitled If Carpets Could Talk, rest assured Sugar is not one of my kids. Not only did I leave the event with Sugar, I added a 4-pound mini something-or-other puppy, yes puppy, to the mix.  She has peed on the floor twice and registered her unequivocal objections to the crate. She's so stinkin' cute, but I just don't know if I have it in me to housebreak a dog right now. I will let you know tomorrow...I am typically evil when awakened prematurely in the morning, which will likely happen when Harper (Charli's name for her) decides it's time to start her little doggie day. I am also evil when I step in dog pee first thing in the morning. So I may be calling for an exorcist tomorrow. Oh, I forgot to tell you. This is a "trial" foster period for Harper. There is absolutely no obligation for us to be her forever home. We're just giving the real foster family a break.  As I watch her pitter-patter around the house sniffing, I'm reminded how much I HATED housebreaking our neurotic mini-Schnauzer Max eight years ago. Every moment holds the potential for a potty accident. I just don't know if I'm up for the challenge.

More to come...

Changing My Name to L!$a

Apparently the key to success is a unique name. Lisa is just plain boring. I'm switching to L!$a. It seems to work for P!nk and Ke$ha. Prince hasn't been so lucky with his unpronouncable name expressed as a symbol. I tried that once, but the receptionist at the dentist office could never find my chart. PDiddy has just created confusion with his moniker flip-flopping--is it Puff, Puff-Daddy, Puff the Magic Dragon, P-Diddy, P-shooter, Sean Combs, Sean Puffy Combs, Puffy Paints?

I won't set myself up for failure like that. I will notify COSTCO, the PTA, our primary care physician, the mailman and all our friends and family of my new improved name and stick with it for life. Soon I will be eating success for breakfast, and the world will never be the same. Still, there's got to be a way to make that unpronouncable thing work...hmmmm.

If Carpets Could Talk...

They'd say, "Please sell the dog that keeps peeing on me!"

It's a love-hate relationship with our adorable adopted terrier-yorkie mix Sugar. We've given it 7 months, but the little sweetie has been traumatized, and we soon learned she is terrified of teenage boys, noise, and alpha dogs...all of which are permanent fixtures in our home. The fact that she hides behind the printer stand 90% of the time is reason enough to find her a better suited family--one that is quiet, lethargic and female.  But add to that the ever-increasing yellow stains on my bedroom floor from her insistence on carving out a spot of her own in the shadow of our neurotic, possessive alpha male schnauzer Max, and our patience level has reached its breaking point.

Tonight I was driven to vulgarity (who me?) when I found yet another wet spot on the carpet and stomped into my daughter's room ranting, "That's it! I'm done! Get in bed Charli so we can pray and I can go clean up dog p***!" When we said our prayers, Charli said, "Mom, can we pray that Sugar will get a good home?" "Yes, we can. And fast." I'll sign off for now since there's a wet spot on the carpet just awaiting my arrival.