T’was the night before Christmas when all through the townhouse Were strewn Legos and Cheerios and laundry all about
If Santa thinks the house isn’t quite clean enough
He can do it himself when he drops off the stuff
There were Pillsbury slice and bake cookies prepared
Will St. Nick be impressed? Probably not, but who cares
The kids were at last in their IKEA bunks for the night
Following a small skirmish—OK a big fight!
“The shepherds and wise men should stand in a neat line
Facing Mary and Jesus with Joseph tucked behind.”
“He’s the Lord!” screamed the middle child, “A circle’s the thing
With Christ in the center so all can see the baby king”
Each yelled in his turn where the Prince of Peace should lay
And lo the nativity scene went flying in the midst of the fray
“Up to bed—NOW!” was my gentle request
“This really is no time to get PMS.”
I drug myself up the stairs to the bed
Dove in and pulled the covers up over my head
I had just dozed off when I heard a big crash
Probably those big rats again in the trash
So I nudged my hubby to go see what was up
“Not tonight, dear,” he mumbled, “Four kids is enough.”
I said, “I’ll go check,” as he continued to snore
So I went downstairs and looked out the back door.
The sight that I saw caught me quite by surprise
Not rats at all, but St. Nick in disguise
He wore navy Dockers and top siders for shoes
And a Tommy Hilfiger polo in green and blue hues
There he was sprawled out on his back
I knew it was Santa because of his sack
I cracked open the door and stuck out my head
“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,” he said.
“I fear I must do something I really do hate
It seems I’ve been injured…I must litigate.”
There was no jolly suit all done up in red
No, his suit was to be filed in court instead
“I have a good lawyer, and he’ll fight for me.
After all, it was at work I sustained injury.
This Tonka truck you left right here in my path
Caused the tumble which seriously injured my back.”
We heard a loud engine and both turned to see
His eyes filled with panic as he looked toward the street
“That’s my hummer you’re towing…you don’t know who I am!”
And despite his bad back, he jumped right up and ran.
“Where’s your sleigh?” I called, thinking this was quite shady
“Come on, get real. This is Southern Cal lady.”
So away flew Santa on this warm Christmas night
Chasing his hummer as it was towed out of sight.
The moral of this story is easy to spot
This Christmas be thankful for all that you’ve got
Be patient with the kiddoes in spite of their mess
And go get some pills for that wicked PMS.