So Much Love for Chandler
Today was amazing, and difficult, and gut-wrenching, and awe-inspiring, and such a gift. Started the day hiking with friends. The beauty of nature and company of friends was medicine for my soul.
A dear friend had arranged with Ghost Bikes for a bike to be placed at the site of Chandler's accident in his honor. It was to happen at 3:00 today, and I will be honest...I was afraid. Afraid to stand at the spot where my son was last himself. Afraid of where my mind might go. Afraid to accept the reality of what this location will represent -- forever. I pass by this spot multiple times a week. I often take the long way around to avoid it. When I do pass through it, my heart skips a beat. Sometimes I am sick at my stomach.
So at about 3:30, a kind man from Ghost Bikes met us, and we began painting a BMX bike donated by another family who had lost a loved one in a biking accident. I stood back and surveyed the intersection. So many questions about what happened on December 15. I forced myself to return to THIS moment with the people who love Chandler and love our family and to be grateful.
We left the beautifully painted white bike, covered in flowers, and joined friends at Board & Brew for a beer and a bite to eat. It was good to be with our B&B tribe. A couple we'd never met came to tell us they'd just heard about Chandler and wanted us to know what a wonderful young man he was.
Later, back at home, I received this text from one of Chandler's best friends -- "Chandler seems to be getting a lot of love even through the night" along with the picture you see here. The bike had been draped in lights that illuminated the darkness. That's what Chandler did. He brought light to dark spaces. This is fitting for a young man whose name means "candle maker."
As I looked at this bike glowing in the dark, I could not help but think that this was Chandler's destiny -- to make a positive impact on this planet for 25 years and, in his death, to touch even more lives than could ever be imagined.
My heart is so full. So, so full.