Me and Hammy

Me and Hammy

I’ll start by saying I’m probably an enneagram type 7. The fact that I say “probably,” leaving the door open for other options, is further evidence. If you’re at all familiar with the enneagram, you know that Type 7s love embarking on novel experiences and adventures, learning and trying new things, and fully engaging with life on every level.

I’ve done every personality assessment ever devised. Human behavior and personality fascinate me. And, like every human, I’m obsessed with myself. Why did I do that? What possessed me to say that? Why is this a pattern for me and how do I change it? When I discovered the enneagram, I began to understand more about my deepest motivations and what my resulting behaviors look like when I’m moving in health versus un-health.

A couple of days ago, Charli asked me, “Mom, have you had caffeine?” I had not. When she asks me that, it means I’m talking quickly, using lots of words, and hopping from one topic to the next in rapid-fire succession. Picture Hammy on Over the Hedge.

I asked myself, “Why do I seem like I’m under the influence?”

It dawned on me – I have a lot of energy. Chance’s reaction to my new revelation….“Mom, that’s pretty obvious to everybody.”

I’m not sure why this was such an “aha” moment for me. Maybe because I know that a common struggle for 7s (and probably for everyone to an extent) is a need to keep moving in order to avoid any feelings of internal discomfort or pain. In my younger days, this was definitely the case. It was an unexpected, welcome flash of insight for me this week to realize that now I move simply because I have lots of energy — as a way to engage with life and feel fully myself, not as a detour around negative feelings.

With age, experience, growing self-awareness, and the kind hand of the Lord at work in me through the years, I have learned (and am still learning) to sit with the pain of life rather than to run from it or avoid it. Pain is growth hormone for the soul. A uniter of human-kind. A path to awareness that God is here, now, with me.

Thank you so much, God, for allowing me through this simple “aha” moment to see how I’ve grown. To more fully appreciate who you’ve created me to be. Thank you for teaching me it’s all about balance – a time to move and a time to be still. Most of all, thank you for being my faithful companion on this journey.

Amen.

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Alexithymia

Alexithymia

Good News, Bad News, Helpless

Good News, Bad News, Helpless