Grateful….that’s how I feel right now.

As night fell this evening and I reflected on the past 13 hours or so, it occurred to me that today was much lighter than yesterday. That’s what I had planned to write about tonight. Until about 20 minutes ago.

At the top of my to-do list today was to get to Ross after work. I wanted to grab the reverse curling wand I saw there this weekend and one of the cute backpacks that I could not decide between without some outside consultation.

When it comes to shopping at Ross Dress for Less, if you snooze, you lose. The curling wand was gone this afternoon. Doggone it.

On to the backpacks. Based on feedback from Lindy and Charli, I learned which ones were meh and which ones were cute. Did not purchase one because I decided instead to borrow Charli’s and see how I like using a stylish backpack instead of a purse.

This is so completely superficial. It’s curling wand and backpack fluff.

I need fluff days. Days when the most pressing thing on my mind is picking a backpack style or a nail polish color. I need silly, trivial…shallow.

But I can’t live there.

Deep is the place of substance. Of growth. Of serenity.

Deep is where souls connect and bring encouragement and comfort to one another.

Tonight as I opened up my laptop and clicked on my blog, I saw a comment on yesterday’s post. This comment may as well have had “God is with you” watermarked beneath it. A fellow Santa Margarita Catholic High School mom had been driving by Chandler’s bike memorial every day on the way to school, saying a prayer for someone she didn’t know and that person’s family. She searched and found my blog. Today she wrote, “I’m glad that I can say his name as I pass by.”

I am grateful to Kimberly for strongly urging me (making me) write. I am grateful to Julia for setting up my SquareSpace site. I am grateful to Heidi and Dave for doing all of the legwork to get that beautiful bike memorial set up through Ghost Riders. I am grateful to every person who has written to tell me my words are helping them in some way or that they are praying for us or that they knew Chandler and thought the world of him. I am grateful that because of this blog, people who didn’t know Chandler before know him now. I am grateful to this mom for noticing the bike and allowing her heart to connect with the reality it represents. Grateful that she would take the time to search out the “who” behind the white bike at Via Honesto and Antonio. And grateful that she would reach out and let me know that she acknowledges Chandler’s life and prays for our family.

Thank you, God. I am overwhelmed by your goodness. This whole thing sucks big time. And in the middle of it, you just keep showing up….quite often through the kind words of people like my fellow SMCHS mom tonight. Thank you. Just, thank you.


Photo by Cristian Palmer on Unsplash
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