Thanks for Meals...Moving On

Thanks for Meals...Moving On

Tonight we enjoyed our Meal Train finale with dear friends we’ve known for decades who brought us a killer meal and stayed to hang out and eat with us.

I will be honest. It’s a bit sad and scary to me that Meal Train is finished. Not because we don’t have the capacity to go to the grocery store or feed ourselves. And please know I’m not making a veiled request for more Meal Train signups. Anyone who knows me knows I would speak right up and say, “Hey, can you guys please sign up for more meals?” What I’m saying is, this marks the end of something that started while Chandler was still alive, when there was still hope for his coming home. I want what that part of Meal Train represents to remain with us and continue.

On January 1, the meals stopped being delivered to a family who was at the hospital every day with their loved one and began being delivered to a family who was just trying to figure out how to get up the next morning. Every person who brought a meal blessed us in such a practical way, and we cannot express adequately our gratitude. But now it’s finished. It’s time to move on.

I was thinking yesterday as I lay in bed contemplating the idea of getting up and starting my day — I want to move on. Not past Chandler. I want to move on past the vivid, painful memories — the phone call, seeing him for the first time after the accident, the days in the hospital, his last hours. I was in a store this week when suddenly there was a scent in the air that was reminiscent of Chandler’s hospital room. I was back there in an instant. It is all still so near, so raw, so tangible. It’s still in my pores.

I want to move on. But I don’t want to move on. I want to live in this moment. But I want to remember every moment with Chandler. Contradictions circle my mind, trying to work themselves out.

The best part of today was a wonderful meal with wonderful friends, the last meal in a season during which God has demonstrated His love for us through people bringing us food.

The blessing we would always pray before meals when I was growing up seems fitting here.

God is great. God is good. Let us thank Him for our food. Amen.

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