Before and After
Before and after. That's how my life is divided now.
Before and after December 15. That's when everything changed...my world shattered and the pieces hung, suspended in air.
Before and after January 1. That's when the pieces came crashing down.
Today I went shopping with a friend for some things to freshen up the house -- pillows, rugs, and such. As I do much of the time now, I found myself referring to "before all this happened" or "after Chandler was in the hospital."
Tonight I texted my friend about a pillow color to match a beautiful rose-colored candle. I explained that the candle is special because it was given to me "after Chandler died." As soon as I typed and sent those words, my brain was assaulted. No, you can't type that! You can never take it back! Is it even real?!!!
I got home and placed some of my special things together in a new little reading nook by the stairs.
Cozy rose-colored blanket -- after December 15. Fragrant rose-colored candle, "Blessed" pillow, wool "grief" heart -- after January 1.
Friends, and even people who don't know us, have given us so many beautiful tokens of support and love. Each time I look at one of them, my brain categorizes automatically. I don't even think about it. We received that after Chandler got hit. We received that after Chandler died. I wonder if there will come a time when typing those words does not stop me in my tracks?