Just Keep Rowing
Chip and I hung out this morning. We agreed that we both feel somewhat schizophrenic---sobbing one moment, then laughing the next. Countless people have lost loved ones. But there is only one other person besides me on this planet who knows what it's like as a parent to lose Chandler. This is our own very exclusive club...no one but us can belong. Our initiation into this club involves oceans of tears, deep conversations about the details of Chandler's 25 years, and a mutual conviction that we would do anything on earth to have our son whole and happy with us again.
Later in the morning, I ran (literally) to the store in my brand new running shoes that Aunt Cho bought me last night at Road Runner. Moving my body keeps me sane. And new shoes -- when is that ever a bad thing?
Dear friends came to help me redecorate our bedroom. Let's just say we'd had the same decor since Martha Stewart went to prison. It makes me happy to have such amazing friends.
Speaking of amazing friends....when I got home from shopping for our bedroom, several of Chandler's friends were hanging out at the house. I loved hearing their Chandler stories and just laughing together.
Not one minute of this day passed when I wasn't thinking of Chandler or holding an all-too-familiar tightness in my chest because I miss him so desperately. But most minutes were spent with people who know what it's like to lose someone or who knew Chandler and feel the unique pain of not having him in their lives any more.
I'm so thankful for God's very real and practical presence in my life today demonstrated by people who care. Even when everything in me feels paralyzed with pain and fear, God puts His arms around me, and I am able to just keep rowing.