36 Years

Today marks 36 years since Chip and I said, “I do.” What better place to be than the “happiest place on earth” — Disneyland.

It was a good day. Matterhorn, Big Thunder Railroad, Small World, Pirates of the Caribbean. And a peanut rolled caramel apple. All the classics. We had a fast pass to Indiana Jones, and of course, after waiting 30 minutes for the fast pass lane to open, they announced the ride was closed due to mechanical issues. It’s OK. While waiting, I got to people watch. To the dad whose little kid who threw his souvenir toy on the ground and tried to slap your phone out of your hand, don’t you dare give him back that toy! Also got to gaze up at the vibrant greenery atop Tarzan’s Treehouse while the sun peeked through the leaves.

We ended the day with dinner at Ballast Brewery. Had some of the best spicy lettuce cups ever! And then my mind was blown. I asked if it was ground pork or chicken. They explained that it was “impossible” protein. I asked, “So it’s impossible for you to tell me?” Apparently, it was a mix of 21 different protein sources, all plant based. Even Chip said it was good!

Lots of prayer and lots of self-talk today. Be in this moment. Breathe deeply. Don’t think too much.

I was doing OK tonight until we turned on The Voice and one of the contestants was singing In the Arms of an Angel. I pictured Chandler. In the arms of an angel. And I cried.

A lot of life has happened in 36 years. I never dreamed one of those anniversaries would be celebrated in the wake of losing one of our kids. It’s a lot to take in.