How to Keep Going When Life Hurts -- Lessons Learned After Rotator Cuff Surgery

I'd like to start by saying I wrecked my shoulder smacking the winning point in a championship pickleball game, thereby ending my rise to pickleball stardom. I'd like to say that. The truth, however, is far less sexy.

I’m out…
Back in spring 2020, I was taking a beginners pickleball clinic with my friend Steph when I reared back to whack the ball and felt something pop in my right shoulder. That pop was the straw that broke the camel's shoulder, so to speak. Through the years, I had pushed tires up hills at bootcamp, lifted weights over my head at Les Mills body pump (if you know you know), done countless chaturangas (yoga pushups) with poor form, and hoisted various babies above my head to hear them belly laugh. Pinches and pains were ever present, and that fateful pickleball move was my shoulder's way of uttering the infamous Shark Tank line, "I'm out."

An ugly picture…
After x-rays, two rounds of physical therapy, and years of nagging shoulder pain, the elusive MRI was at last ordered. It turned out to be a lovely image of a bicep tendon torn from the labrum, partial tears of two other muscles in the rotator cuff, and apparently an abundance of miscellany that needed to be cleaned up. The choice -- continue cohabitating with a shoulder that was constantly mad at me OR allow drills, screws, and anchors to instigate its full-blown fury in order to fix the whole mess. If all went according to the orthopedic surgeon’s prediction, post-op shoulder fury would, with time, morph into a blissful, pain-free relationship with my expertly repaired rotator cuff.

Now 12 weeks post-op, here's what I've learned from rotator cuff surgery.

• Wiping one's butt efficiently with a non-dominant hand is a finely honed skill not to be taken for granted.

• Binge-worthy shows like Prison Brides and Bridgerton were most assuredly created for folks stuck on a couch after surgery with no bandwidth for reading a book or thinking too hard.

• Watching your spouse carefully cut up your food for you is pretty hot.

• Chronic pain shrinks your world. I've not experienced a great deal of physical pain in my life. And certainly none of the nagging, chronic, severe variety. The post-op shoulder pain, while severe for the first week or so, let up a bit and then came in waves, mostly when it was time to go to bed. It became not as much about pain severity but about pain persistence, leaving me to wonder, "Will this pain ever go away?" It knocked me on my butt--physically and emotionally. I mean I was DOWN.

Both pain and restricted mobility prevented me from engaging in the physical activities that typically keep me feeling sane and strong like yoga, Pilates, a jog, a HIIT workout, or weights. I couldn't even hold my grandbabies, y'all!!!

Chronic pain shrunk my world.

That said, please know that I am fully aware my situation was and is a temporary one. This experience has given me just a fleeting glimpse into the world of those who suffer with the kind of chronic physical and emotional pain that shrinks their world for weeks or months or years on end. My heart goes out to everyone who is sailing in that boat.

• Sometimes the bare minimum is exactly enough.

I hated the sling, the pain, the lack of mobility, having to figure out how to do everything with my left hand. I hated feeling like I didn't have access to my normal life, and I hated wondering how long before I would feel like myself again. The physical and emotional challenges drastically narrowed my bandwidth. I knew I had to whittle down my expectations for myself to get through this. I could only manage the bare minimum for a while. I had to give myself permission and grace to do just that. The bare minimum had to be enough.

• Figure out your non-negotiables and guard them.

After a week living on the couch, binge watching Bridgerton, icing my shoulder, and being waited on hand and foot by my husband, I decided I needed to reintroduce some easily digestible bites of normal. First, I slapped on my Apple Watch that had been on my bedside table since the night before surgery and determined to close my rings every day. Since walking was the sole physical activity available to me, I charged my air pods, downloaded a juicy book-on-tape (I guess the kids these days call them audiobooks), slipped on my pre-tied walking shoes and headed out the front door. Every day for six weeks, me and my sweaty shoulder sling walked between 2 1/2 and 4 miles. Moving my body, being in nature, enjoying a good mystery...this became my daily "happy" place, a win all the way around. Good for my body to walk and breathe the fresh air. Good for my mind and imagination to get sucked into a compelling mystery novel. Good for my soul to be surrounded by the greens, blues, and earth tones of nature. Good to feel like I'd shown up for myself and accomplished something each day.

A daily walk was my first non-negotiable. I had four. The other three were: making sure I ate healthy food to nourish my healing body, working just a handful of hours each day, and spending my evenings binge watching Surface with Chip. These four activities were all that my limited physical and emotional bandwidth could manage. I granted myself the grace, not always perfectly, to be absolutely OK with that.

When you find yourself hunkered down in a shrunken world, what are your non-negotiables? What are the things you absolutely must incorporate into your day in order to keep your head above water?

• Find yourself some people who "get it."

Before surgery, I talked with a couple of friends (including pickleball Steph) who'd had the same repair done. I joined a couple of rotator cuff surgery FB groups. These conversations helped me feel more prepared for what was to come, both physically (buying a pump bottle for my mouthwash and stocking up on button-up shirts) and emotionally. The best advice --"This will be a slow recovery process. It'll be a while before you'll be glad you had the surgery, but you will be glad eventually." This helped me set realistic expectations and has proven to be quite true.

Whatever you're going through, there are others in the same boat. Find them. You can help each other row.

• Celebrate small wins.

This is important in every context -- work, personal life, recovery, relationships.

In my shoulder surgery FB group, we frequently read posts like - "I just washed my hair with both hands!" or "I just slept in my bed instead of the recliner!" To anyone else, those proclamations may mean nothing. To the people living it with you, it's Snoopy-dance worthy.

Hope this helps…

So, my friend, if you're feeling like your world has shrunk, if you're going through a hard spell of any sort, I hope these lessons from rotator cuff surgery can lend some practical help and encouragement to you today.