Nothing Profound April 2013
Nothing profound happened to me today. Except my heart beat regularly and pumped blood through my body to keep me alive. And the sun came up over my house this morning. And the food I ate tasted delicious and went right where it was needed in my system to give me fuel and make me healthy. And I was able to stay on the ground instead of floating away because gravity continued to have its affect. And my eardrums along with all the tiny parts on the other side of it worked together to help me hear the sound of my daughter's voice, the catchy new song on the radio, and laughter. And I heard the words, "I love you." Pretty much the same as yesterday. Nothing profound.
Canine Bootie Shorts April 2013
I've always made fun of those people who dress their dogs up, cook them special meals, and take them to the vet to get their teeth brushed. I'm a hypocrite. Just weeks ago I resorted to a canine version of "bootie shorts" with Depends stuck in them to keep my two dogs from peeing on my couch, my pool table leg, my rug...and anything else that might seem like an appealing urinal for these mutts. If it weren't for my daughter Charli's strong attachments to Max and D'Marcus, I'd have blessed two other lucky families with an old, grouchy, neurotic Schnauzer and a sweet, adorable, dumb-as-a-rock long-haired doxie. They are making me crazy. Max was the perfect dog for almost 9 years--never pooped or peed in the house--unless he ate a carton of chocolate coverd almonds from Trader Joe's, for instance. Then we adopted D'Marcus from the shelter. Max's testosterone kicked in and he decided to show everyone who the alpha male around our house was. He pees on purpose. D'Marcus, on the other hand, pees submissively. If he thinks you're mad or disappointed with him, he flips over and turns on the spout. So we have to reprimand him in a syrupy sweet quiet voice...."D'Marcus baby, get off the table please. Put the steak down for mommy...good boy." My son said, "I'm gonna try that. Next time you're mad at me, I'm just gonna flip over and pee."
I have become the person I've always made fun of, only worse. A dog in a tutu beats a dog wearing bootie shorts with Depends stuffed inside anyday.
Mother's Day Top Ten
Hello all you moms! Just in case you decide to have a relaxing Mother's Day out, here are a few red flags to watch out for when hiring your sitter. TOP TEN THINGS YOUR NEW SITTER MIGHT SAY THAT SHOULD CAUSE A RED FLAG
10.Is it OK if I give your number to my parole officer?
9.They’re going to love this book I brought for a bedtime story. Stephen King is awesome.
8.Where do you keep your corkscrew?
7.I brought my piercing gun, just in case.
6.Do you have any cream for this oozing rash?
5.If something bad happens, do I still get paid?
4.No, I’m not certified for CPR, but the last family I sat for said I was “certifiable.”
3.If they fuss at bedtime, are pharmaceuticals an option?
2. “I wasn’t sure if they were allergic to milk, so I just gave them all Mountain Dew.”
1.When you return home, they ask, “Were there three kids?”
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!
Night Before Christmas: The Real Scoop
T’was the night before Christmas when all through the townhouse Were strewn Legos and Cheerios and laundry all about
If Santa thinks the house isn’t quite clean enough
He can do it himself when he drops off the stuff
There were Pillsbury slice and bake cookies prepared
Will St. Nick be impressed? Probably not, but who cares
The kids were at last in their IKEA bunks for the night
Following a small skirmish—OK a big fight!
“The shepherds and wise men should stand in a neat line
Facing Mary and Jesus with Joseph tucked behind.”
“He’s the Lord!” screamed the middle child, “A circle’s the thing
With Christ in the center so all can see the baby king”
Each yelled in his turn where the Prince of Peace should lay
And lo the nativity scene went flying in the midst of the fray
“Up to bed—NOW!” was my gentle request
“This really is no time to get PMS.”
I drug myself up the stairs to the bed
Dove in and pulled the covers up over my head
I had just dozed off when I heard a big crash
Probably those big rats again in the trash
So I nudged my hubby to go see what was up
“Not tonight, dear,” he mumbled, “Four kids is enough.”
I said, “I’ll go check,” as he continued to snore
So I went downstairs and looked out the back door.
The sight that I saw caught me quite by surprise
Not rats at all, but St. Nick in disguise
He wore navy Dockers and top siders for shoes
And a Tommy Hilfiger polo in green and blue hues
There he was sprawled out on his back
I knew it was Santa because of his sack
I cracked open the door and stuck out my head
“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,” he said.
“I fear I must do something I really do hate
It seems I’ve been injured…I must litigate.”
There was no jolly suit all done up in red
No, his suit was to be filed in court instead
“I have a good lawyer, and he’ll fight for me.
After all, it was at work I sustained injury.
This Tonka truck you left right here in my path
Caused the tumble which seriously injured my back.”
We heard a loud engine and both turned to see
His eyes filled with panic as he looked toward the street
“That’s my hummer you’re towing…you don’t know who I am!”
And despite his bad back, he jumped right up and ran.
“Where’s your sleigh?” I called, thinking this was quite shady
“Come on, get real. This is Southern Cal lady.”
So away flew Santa on this warm Christmas night
Chasing his hummer as it was towed out of sight.
The moral of this story is easy to spot
This Christmas be thankful for all that you’ve got
Be patient with the kiddoes in spite of their mess
And go get some pills for that wicked PMS.
Come Lord Jesus: An Advent Devotional (Week 4)
One of our most beloved Christmas carols is Joy to the World…not to be confused with another popular feel-good tune about a suspicious friendship with a wine-sipping bullfrog named Jeremiah that proclaims, “Joy to the world, all the boys and girls…Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea; joy to you and me.” I for one am all for the fishes in the sea being joyful if it’s in their capacity to be so. But the kind of joy the world needs isn’t synonymous with fleeting moments of warm fuzzies splashed randomly about our lives. The kind of joy we need is deep, abiding, unshakable. Consider the circumstances of Mary, the mother of our Lord. She has been visited by an angel and informed that she is going to be pregnant and give birth to a Savior. Imagine yourself in Mary’s place. Yes, you have been visited by an angel of the Lord—quite a big deal by anyone’s standards. But you are also a young girl, in your teens, and unmarried. You are faced with questions. What will people think of me? How can I live up to what God is asking of me? How will Joseph my fiancé react? How in the world is all of this going to work out?
Surely these and many more questions occupied Mary’s thinking throughout her experience. Nevertheless, her initial response provides a clue about the nature of true joy.
“My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior.” Luke 1:46, 47
Mary rejoiced in God. She humbly recognized that God’s presence and activity in her life was reason to rejoice. We can learn a similar lesson in joy from our fellow traveler Habakkuk.
“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.” Habakkuk 3:17-18
Habakkuk was able to look beyond the very real difficulties of life to an even greater reality—the God who is with us is not surprised or worried about a thing.
Whatever the circumstances of our lives, joy is possible. Like Habakkuk and like Mary, we can say, “I will rejoice in God my Savior.” This Advent and Christmas season remind us that God is indeed present and active in our lives. Our God is all-powerful. He is loving, merciful, gracious, slow to anger, just, kind, and all-wise. He is Immanuel…God with us. He is present in our chaos and our pain. He is with us at our birthday parties and our funerals, in our job promotions and in our lay-offs. God Himself is with us. This is the reason for our joy.
In just a few days, this Advent season will pass and we will celebrate Christmas, the birth of Christ. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal Christ—Immanuel—to you in new ways. Ponder the following scripture passages this week and allow the joy of the Lord to sink deep into your soul.
Matthew 1:23
Habbakuk 3:17, 18
Luke 1:46
I Peter 1:8, 9
An Advent Prayer
Come long-awaited Jesus, Savior of all.
Let the joy of the Father’s heart
Pour into our own hearts
And flow from us to others
Who are desperately seeking a reason...
To rejoice
Come Lord Jesus:An Advent Devotional (Week 3)
Thus far in this season of Advent, we have asked God to plant within us seeds of anticipation for His coming, and we have turned to Him in a spirit of repentance. This week we will continue in an attitude of expectation and repentance while turning our attention to the idea of preparation. In Luke 2:7 we read that Mary had to give birth in a manger because there was no room in the inn. The lesson we typically draw from this passage is that we don’t want to be the bad guy like the innkeeper that didn’t make room for Jesus. In all fairness, had he known the mother of the Messiah might be stopping by to give birth, he likely would have reserved the nicest room in the place, complete with free breakfast in bed and internet access. All he knew was that a very tired, very pregnant woman needed a place to have her baby. I wonder if a small voice within perhaps told him, “Let them come into your home”? Whatever the case, he offered the best he could muster…his stable.
Two thousand years later, we still struggle with preparation, with making room. Unlike the innkeeper, we have the advantage of knowing it is the Messiah who is asking us to make room. Like the innkeeper, we can invite Him in…or not.
Think about the words of C.S. Lewis.
Come Lord Jesus: An Advent Devotional (Week 2)
In those days John the Baptist appeared in the wilderness of Judea, proclaiming,
“Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.”
Matthew 3:1, 2
In this season of Advent (meaning “arrival” or “coming”), we have asked the Lord to plant in us seeds of expectation for His coming. This second week of Advent, we ponder the words of John the Baptist as we turn to the theme of repentance.
John tells us that because “the kingdom of heaven has come near” it is time to repent. The word “repent” is often defined as being sorry for our sins and changing our behavior accordingly. It is certainly true that in order to prepare our hearts for the Lord, a primary starting point is to become honest with God about our sin and to agree with Him that our only deliverance is through Christ. But that’s not the end of the story.
The people to whom John was speaking would have understood the word repent to mean “change your thinking” or “change your mind.” Why would we need to change our minds in order to get ready for the kingdom of heaven as John suggests? Have you ever booked a hotel based on a beautiful photo on a brochure only to show up and find a hotel resembling the photo only in the sense that it had a door and some rooms in it? It’s disappointing to say the least. When Jesus showed up announcing His kingdom, it was nothing like the brochure. The Messiah they were expecting would bring deliverance by overthrowing the political powers of the day and ending the Roman oppression. Instead they got a guy who avoided power plays and asked us to “turn the other cheek.”
Jesus was a living snapshot of the kingdom of God…a kingdom that is about much more than just not sinning. Jesus told us that to be great in the kingdom, we must become servants. He told us to let our light shine so that people will see our good works and glorify our Father in heaven. And He showed us through the cross that ultimate power is demonstrated not by domination but by restraint. God knew that our way of thinking about lots of things—money, sin, success, power, relationships—would need to be turned upside down in order to embrace life in His kingdom. Our actions reflect our changed thinking—we live a new way in light of the reality that a new kingdom is at hand.
REPENTANCE
Set aside some time this week to sit with the Lord and ask Him to show you any areas of your life that call for repentance. Ask for the power of the Spirit to think and live differently. If there is sin that needs to be confessed, accept and trust the forgiveness that Christ offers. Whatever comes to light, trust that the Lord will come alongside and help you make the necessary changes so that you can settle deeply into His kingdom.
Scripture to reflect on this week:
Proverbs 1:23
Matthew 3:1-6
An Advent Prayer
Lord, show us every area of our lives that call for repentance
Where there is sin, we ask for forgiveness
Where there is resistance to change, we ask for a heart of surrender
Where there are unkingdom-like ways of thinking, we ask for the mind of Christ
By your grace, empower us to live as good citizens in this upside down kingdom
Amen.
Come Lord Jesus: An Advent Devotional (Week 1)
Not so long ago, Christmas trees and Bing Crosby music made their appearance in late November or early December. These days we can find tinsel and greeting cards right across the aisle from jack-o-lanterns and Harry Potter costumes sometime around October. Perhaps next year we’ll be able to purchase poinsettias around Labor Day. Personally, I love the sights, smells and sounds of Christmas whenever they arise. But if I focus on the trimmings without a greater context, I miss a wonderful opportunity to experience the deep realities of my faith and instead set myself up for inevitable disappointment and anxiety amidst frenetic activity. I exit the season with no more spiritual insight than when it began.
As we observe the four weeks of Advent (meaning “arrival” or “coming”), we ground our celebration in biblical and historical ways. Since about the 4th century, believers have observed Advent in some form. Until relatively recent times, the Christmas season itself was observed from December 25 to January 6 (the “12 days of Christmas”) with Advent serving as a time of waiting and anticipation leading up to the celebration of Christ’s birth. It is also a time of looking forward to the second coming of Christ.
Expectation. Preparation. Repentance. Joy. These are the attitudes of worship that accompany the Advent season. Rather than conjuring up feelings of Christmas cheer because we’re “supposed to” be jolly, we can meditate on Scripture that points us to unshakable reasons for true joy.
EXPECTATION
As we enter the first week of Advent, we ask the Holy Spirit to plant in our hearts seeds of expectation. Sit with the following scripture passages throughout the week. Read through them slowly and notice any words or phrases that stand out to you. Come to your quiet time expecting that God will meet you.
Psalm 80:1-7
Isaiah 11:1-5
Luke 1:26-38
Revelation 7:9-17
An Advent Prayer by Henri Nouwen
Lord Jesus, Master of both the light and the darkness,
Send your Holy Spirit upon our preparations for Christmas.
We who have so much to do
Seek quiet spaces to hear your voice each day.
We who are anxious over many things
Look forward to your coming among us.
We who are blessed in so many ways
Long for the complete joy of your kingdom.
We whose hearts are heavy,
Seek the joy of your presence.
We are your people, walking in darkness, yet seeking light.
To you we say, Come Lord Jesus....
Amen.
Retreat Learnings-Part 2/The Prodigal
One of the most amazing times during my recent Renovare' spiritual growth retreat was the Prayer Path Experience. Candles, soft reflective music, beautiful expressions of artistic creativity and a prevailing sense of peace and solitude drew me into the large room where people moved slowly, reverently between various prayer "stations." I spent over two hours there soaking in the presence and goodness of God. It was water for my thirsty soul. I visited all of the dozen or so stations and managed to keep my Type A personality in check...enjoying the moment and refusing to rush through so I could say I checked every box.
One of the stations that most impacted me was the painting of Rembrandt's The Return of the Prodigal based on the story from Luke 15:11-32. As I took in the details of color, shadow, facial expressions...every nuance of this picture, I was brought once again to a realization of the real-life role I play more often than I would wish. Every time I run away to accomplishments, people, substances, activity, or any of the myriad ways I can keep myself distracted from my deepest need, I AM the prodigal. When I glance back home, I see the Father running toward me, arms wide open to welcome me back. I ask forgiveness for my need for self-importance and to appear smarter than I am, for independence, and for the desire to imipress. I want to do something to repay Him for his love and generosity, but He says, "I'm just glad you're home." He asks of me my whole life--not as repayment for grace, that would miss the whole point, but as an expression of gratitude and worship.
In offering my life to the Father, He pours out more grace to make me into the likeness of Christ. And He does it joyfully. He's not muttering to Himself, wishing He could write me off but instead having to tolerate me because of that whole "cross" loophole. He really is happy to have me home. What puzzles me at every homecoming is--why did I ever leave?
Renovare' Retreat-Part 1
I recently went on a 5-day retreat put on by Renovare' (if you don't know what Renovare' is, check out renovare.org). It was AMAZING--from the gorgeous oceanside location to the hours of quiet reflection to the simple yet profound teaching of Richard Foster, Chris Webb and others, every element of the retreat drew me into a state of peace, rest and relaxation. Well, maybe not so much the plastic mattress cover (lodging was in dorms at Point Loma University), though it did quell any anxiety I might have about wetting the bed. And I must say I had to visit Target and purchase a tiny clip-on booklight in order to avoid dangerous mood swings induced by the San Quentin-like fluorescent lighting overhead. Other than that, all was peace and rest. I'll share just a blog at a time in hopes that something I write may be an encouragement to you. One of the first "aha" moments I had was when I was stewing over the fact that somehow my registration hadn't gone through online so they hadn't assigned me a spiritual director for the retreat (someone who listens well to God and people and speaks with wisdom regarding matters of the soul). I was certain there was just no way my retreat experience could be complete without meeting with a spiritual director that God had picked just for me, into whom He had poured all the answers for my life's dilemmas.
I sat on my waterproof bunkbed with my retreat handbook perusing the various options available for me during the time many people would be meeting with their spiritual directors. I was feeling sorry for myself. And the perfectionist in me began to agonize over choosing just the right activities at the right time. Should I do the Prayer Experience or the contemplative beach walk? the small group discusson or the Guided Movement to Scripture group. OR should I just take a nap? What is the perfect path God has for me here at this retreat?
Then I had a clear sense that God was speaking to my heart---"it really doesn't matter what you do or don't do. I just want to hang out with you." The angst melted away into feelings of relief, freedom and joy. The Creator of everything just wanted to hang out with me.
That moment has spilled over into my quiet times at home. I realize now that there is no perfect path for my devotions. God just wants to hang out with me. He will guide my prayer, my reading, my meditation on His Word. Or he may just want me to sit still for a bit.
So maybe this can bring some freedom to you as well...especially if you are a perfectionist or a striver. God just wants to hang out with you. He will have things for you to do with Him along the way, but first He just wants to spend some time with you.
Words for the Weary
Just got back from an incredible retreat! Lots of silence, solitude and prayer. Rich teaching by Richard Foster, Chris Webb (Renovare' president), and others on the Renovare' team. Music during worship was mostly Celtic style, very peaceful and reflective. Journaled a LOT! I'd like to give you three little things to think about in your spiritual journey. These are the three sentiments Richard Foster left us with yesterday as we were preparing to end the retreat. 1) Be easy with yourself as God is easy with you.
2) Walk cheerfully over the earth--laugh a lot.
3) Stay close to Jesus.
I really appreciate the admonition to be easy with myself. I woke up today to a messy house, a growing laundry pile, and a substantial to-do list. At the top of the list was---quiet time with God. Before I could sit down, I got a call that my youngest son was being rushed to the ER because he fainted in summer school. Thankfully it turned out to be nothing serious.
And so goes life. A lot is going on right now for me that can be draining--to say the least. Perhaps you can say the same. I don't need one more burden to carry. Into the midst of my weariness comes the voice of Christ. Listen to how Eugene Peterson paraphrases Matthew 11:28-30 in The Message.
"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
Today may you be easy with yourself as God is easy with you. And may you find a bit of quiet time and learn a little more about the unforced rhythms of grace.
New Home for Sugar?
Yesterday a potential new "mommy" for Sugar (our adopted 1 1/2-yr-old dog) came to visit. I thought we were exhibiting a rather appealing image...until my 8-yr-old daugher got home from a sleepover. Apparently, whatever she ate at the sleepver had given her abundant gas. Sitting on the wooden piano bench in our living room, the sound was difficult to ignore. I apologized for the sound and smell, and we continued our conversation about Sugar. The flatulence continued. But the loss of dignity didn't stop there. I had been painting Charli's room, so I was wearing baggy red paint-stained sweatpants held on by a rubber band at the waist. Charli decided to pull off the rubber band which was one of her ponytail holders. As I bade farewell to Sugar's potential adoptive parent, I held my pants up with one hand and apologized once again for the farting. I can only imagine that this woman is thinking, "I have to save Sugar from this crazy family!" So be it. Amen.
Painting Tips
I painted my 8-yr-old daughter's room this weekend. I learned a couple of things that might be helpful to you. First--taping off the room is not a myth but something professional painters actually do that saves time and hassle.
Second--if you find something that looks like painter's tape in your garage, it may not be painter's tape. Don't wait until the room has been painted to find out. It may be electrical tape, in which case, much of the paint you worked hard to apply will come off when you rip off the tape.
Third--don't use "as seen on TV" tools in your painting. They may fall off on your head as you paint your 10-foot ceiling.
Fourth--if the "as seen on TV" tool falls off on your head once, don't assume it won't fall off again. It will. And maybe it will be on your 8-yr-old's head. They don't like having paint washed out of their hair.
Fifth--when using tarps to protect important pieces from paint splatter, include the carpet as one of the surfaces to be covered.
Sixth--IF your child is of the Rain Man sort (don't rearrange or change anything--EVER!), don't paint the room. Regardless of their pleas (even if they request that you paint it Wild Wisteria and Crystal Aqua) keep it the same...the furniture, the knick knacks, the stuffed animals, the play kitchen, the paint--everything!!! Otherwise you will come home from your birthday mani/pedi to a distraught, ungrateful child who can't sleep in their room because it's ALL DIFFERE NT! Even if they recently complained and griped about the Daffodil Yellow you painted before they ever sprouted an opinion, know that they will immediately recant---"I LOVED the yellow! Why did you change it?????"
In addition, I would suggest right up front (as opposed to later after several failed attempts)----moving all furniture away from the wall, transporting a tall ladder to the room, and buying a reliable extension pole so the applicator doesn't fall on your head.
Happy Painting!
Party Like It's My Birfday!
Today I turned 46. It was a great day. It started with sleeping in and then a couple of hours with my spiritual formation group. They blessed me with flowers, balloons, goodies to eat, and candles to enjoy at home, one of which is burning right now, filling the room with the scent of sunflowers (do sunflowers have a scent?). Then I came home and put Charli's room back in order after spending three days painting! Her room is now the color of all things Hannah Montana. If you'd like to replicate--go to Lowe's and buy Wild Wisteria and Crystal Aqua. Yeah. It looks just like you're imagining. She's 8, so it's rad. And BTW, why would you NOT decorate with a giant Scooby Doo stuffed pooch? My plan was to spend two to three hours reflecting, reading, journaling. Uh huh. In another life maybe. I was on the phone straightening out medical insurance stuff for a while, then I moved on to washing dishes, then on to Charli's room. When she came home from a roller skating field trip and had a meltdown because I had rearranged her furniture, I decided it was time to run away and get my birthday manicure/pedicure. And because I like to live large, I got my eyebrows waxed as well.
When I came home, Chip had prepared dinner, and three of my dear friends and neighbors came over for Chip's special Benihana chicken fried rice and mojitos. I know. Mojitos aren't a typical pairing with Asian cuisine. I'm a redneck and Chip is from New Mexico...give us a break. The conversation was wonderful and sprinkled with memories of times we've spent together as well as new stories that helped us know one another a bit more.
At some point during this day, each of my four kids and my husband hugged me and said, "Happy birthday , mom. I love you." OK, Chip didn't say "Mom" cuz that would just be creepy. But you know what I mean. It just doesn't get any better. My sister-in-law called. She's like the coolest perrson alive...flew the U2, was a pilot for United and Emirates Airlines and is now in med school. Join me, if you will, in a prayer that she will do something with her life. Honestly, the coolest thing is that she loves us and our kids even in the middle of her crazy busy life.
I am overwhelmed and so very grateful for all the birthday wishes through Facebook. I didn't even know how to log on to Facebook a little over a year ago. Now I'm thinking what a great resource of encouragement it can be. I am so encouraged to know that I have all these friends who will join me in rejoicing, mourning, laughing...praying.
So what is my prayer today---my 46th birthday, just three minutes from the day after my birthday? I pray that this time next year I will look more like Jesus than I do today---more loving, more gracious, more wise, more giving, more compassionate, more resolute in what is right, more willing to serve. That is my prayer at midnight on my 46th birthday.
How to Offend Major People Groups
I don't try to be offensive or ignorant. Sometimes it just happens. A few years ago, I went to speak and sing at a local MOPS (Mothers of Pre-schoolers) group. I shared an autobiographical little number I wrote called The Vasectomy Song. Only after the meeting did it occur to me...this was a Catholic church. Most of the moms present were Catholic. Could I be more insensitive? Maybe I could offer to bring in a big pot roast for their Good Friday mass. Or tell one of my Catholic friends they have a big smudge on their forehead on Ash Wednesday. Oh, wait. I already did that.
Another time I was speaking at a moms group a couple of hours from home. I was in the process of making a plate of food (ALL moms groups worth their weight in craft supplies have a breakfast potluck), when I noticed all the meat dishes were gone. No sausage casserole, no bacon, no ham and cheese quiche. I offhandedly remarked to one of the ladies something like, "Wow, I guess the meat dishes are the first to go, huh." Later that day I was relating all the details of the morning to my husband. "Lisa," he said in amazement, "that moms group meets right in the heart of a famous vegetarian community--you really asked them where the sausage casserole was?"
Yesterday I came to my senses about two seconds before asking the gentleman behind the Persian Market meat counter if he had pork butt. Only after noticing the Hallal certification (a strict Islamic code regarding meat processing) on the wall behind the counter did it occur to me that, in the name of propriety, I should not inquire as to the whereabouts of his pork butt, pork chops, or anything else swine-related.
I apologize for any potentially offensive remarks I've ever made in ignorance, incoherence or uncconsciousness toward any people group, endangered species, Disney channel pop star or telemarketing firm.
I suppose you could read my post "Top Ten Ways to Know If Your Daddy Is a Redneck" and be offended. But if you are one of us, you will simply stick another cold one in the koozie and watch a rerun of Walker Texas Ranger.
Brownies and Saving the Planet
We had company this weekend, so I made a 9x13 pan of brownies...for them, of course. Each time I pass by the pan, or walk through the front door, or go to the bathroom, I'm reminded that I don't want to be a wasteful person. I want to do my part to save planet earth. So when I enter the kitchen and see that jagged edge of a brownie, I simply must shave that off with a knife and eat it. People want their brownies to be even...straight on the edges. If they're not, people may pass them right by and they would go to waste. That's not good for people or for planet earth. Waste is not good. There is a corner in the pan of brownies that is a bit too done and crunchy. I pass by and think, "No one will want that piece." I carefully remove it with a butter knife that has been left in the pan...just in case. I go back to my housecleaning and then remember that there were a lot of messy crumbs in the bottom of the brownie pan. I return to the kitchen and do my best to clean up the mess in the pan, removing every last crumb and eating them so that nothing is wasted and the remaining brownies will be enticing to those for whom they have been prepared.
Only a few brownies remain in the pan. They are perfecty square on the edges. No crumbs clutter the pan. All the crunchy corners are shaved off so that only soft, chewy brownie bites beckon to passersby.
I've been cleaning house all evening. I think I deserve a treat. And I really don't want people to feel obligated to eat those brownies and end up raising their blood sugar or feeling guilty about over-indulging. I should go finish off the brownies and wash the pan. That's really best for everyone--the planet, our visiting family members, the universe at large. Here's to saving the planet.
Top Ten Ways to Know Your Daddy Is a Redneck
If you can relate to three or more of the following, your Daddy may be a Redneck. Based on actual events of a California girl who proudly grew up in a trailer in the boondocks of East Texas.
10. Entertains family at supper by suspending his dentures from top of his mouth.
9. Asks for one more Miller Light cozy for Father's Day so he can have one in each room of the trailer house.
8. Has an unusually large tattoo of an eagle on his upper arm artfully camoflaging the naked lady tattoo your mama insisted he remove before their wedding.
7. Describes his ultimate dream home as "double-wide."
6. Uses the same pocket knife to pick his teeth and peel your apple.
5. Gets teary-eyed when he talks of passing down his NASCAR ashtray as a family heirloom.
4. Local hardware store is his favorite denim outfitter.
3. Everyone counts on him to shoot the main course for the church potluck.
2. For your high school graduation he dressed up by removing the shells from his hunting vest.
1. You often told your pre-school friends, "I can't play...I'm helping my Daddy skin a squirrel for dinner."
Happy Father's Day to all you dads out there!
Incredible Small Group Study
I am Small Groups Director at Mission Hills Community Church in Rancho Santa Margarita. I have to tell you that Just Walk Across the Room by Bill Hybels and the Willowcreek organization is one of the best studies I've encountered. The word I keep hearing in conjunction with the study is "freeing." If you are in a small group or have any kind of leadership role in a church or faith-based organization, I encourage you to check out Just Walk Across the Room. Let's face it...small group study DVDs can be boring and, let's just say it, cheesy. This 4-week teaching series is compelling, inspiring, encouraging...OK, Bill's sunglasses are a bit too cool for school at times, but the DVD teaching sessions are top-quality and will spark meaningful dialogue.
Puppy Sleeps Through the Night–-Seriously
I told you I'd keep you posted about how the night went with little Harper the foster dog. She slept all night long. Started out in Charli's room snuggled up with her and halfway through the night Charli brought her to my bed because, "She's not breathing right, Mom." Turns out she was just dreaming like dogs do. Once she got to my room she snuggled right back down to sleep and didn't budge until I got up this morning. No exorcisms needed. NO potty accidents in the house today either. As far as puppies go, this is a perfect one. I asked Charli if she wanted to keep Harper, and she said,"No, puppies are a little too much for me." Meaning--"I really don't like having to watch her constantly and take her outside to go potty every 45 minutes." Her heart is now set on a chocolate lab. Maybe it's because of the word "chocolate"-- and who can resist that?!
If you're in the SoCal area and looking for an awesome puppy, she's the one. If you're interested, let me know and I'll hook you up.
What the Heck is Spiritual Formation?
There's a phrase that's made its way into church culture these days--spiritual formation. Admittedly, I would have had no clue what that was all about 14 years ago. Now I understand a little more. We are not simply material beings. Our spirits are formed every day, every moment, by something--by the values we see on TV, the information we choose to believe, the people who speak into our lives, or any number of influences. The point is, we are being formed. As a follower of Jesus Christ, I want to be intentional about how my spirit is formed. I want the influences I allow into my life to make me look more like Christ in five years than I look today. What does that mean in practical terms? Jesus knew when to keep silent. Not me. Jesus knew when to speak the truth in no uncertain terms. Not me. Jesus saw the truth about people, not just the ugly behavior they displayed. Not me. Jesus was a perfect model of grace, truth, inclusiveness, justice, love, mercy. Me? Not so much. But I'm getting better. That's what spiritual formation is about--putting myself in paths of grace so that I come to resemble Christ more and more the longer I'm on this journey toward God.